The one thing that could change your parenting forever...
The one thing that could change your parenting forever…
Are you a proactive parent or a reactive parent? This is the key differentiator when it comes to parenting. And unfortunately most parenting in the 21st century falls on the wrong side of the spectrum.
Reactive parenting is a system where as issues appear you, the parent, react to them. Reactive parenting lacks the big picture. It might help you set up a neat system which helps you control, regulate, and conform the behavior of your children, but it lacks vision. It doesn’t get to the heart level issues that are causing the behavior. At best, it is behavior modification and teaches your children to learn how to “play the game.”
Proactive parenting has a bigger vision. It is not focused on changing or modifying behavior, it is focused on identifying and targeting the heart issues your child is dealing with. It is about building the identity and character of your child, not getting the correct behavior result. For example, if your son or daughter gets in trouble talking back to a teacher, the proactive parent is primarily concerned with identifying the heart issue that caused the outburst, not the punishment that will prevent it from happening again.
If all you do is control your child’s behavior, when they leave your home they will have nothing. Using the example above, a parent might identify that their child is concerned with looking cool in front of their friends. They will then work to help build their child’s confidence and self-esteem and maybe help them think about the kind of friends they want to surround themselves with. While this is more difficult than grounding them for a week, it will positively affect their child’s confidence well into their teenage years (if not the rest of their life). Whereas grounding them might modify their behavior for a few weeks or months.
With reactive parenting, children essentially become “emotional weathermen.” Trying to predict the outcome of their parents emotions. “Dad is in a good mood so I can get away with this today.” “Mom is mad, better wait until tomorrow to ask her about this.” But what will happen to your child when the reactive controls disappear? When they leave your home and go off to college or into the real world?
What does PROACTIVE parenting look like…
Identifying the heart matters that your child is struggling with
Building your son or daughters character
More listening than lecturing
Working towards heart or identity transformation, not behavior modification
Focused on the long term, not the immediate
What does REACTIVE parenting look like…
Focusing on the punishment that will modify the unwanted behavior in the future
More lecturing than listening
Reacting to situations on a case by case basis and allowing emotions to drive the outcome
Focused on what is easiest in the moment, not what will benefit child long-term
What is one way to start being a proactive parent today?
If you have a son who is in middle school or approaching middle school download our FREE resource.
If you have a son or daughter ages 7-11, get an EveryDay Milestone kit (EDM) from us today which has all the tools you need to start being a proactive parent today.